Supporting Gay Marriage In The Gay Community
Has The Time Come For The LGBT Community?
For The First Time In History, LGBT People May Be Able To Legally Be Couples With All The Federal Benefits, Recognition and Visibility.
Do you worry about whether your relationship will survive the legalization of gay marriage?
The very real possibility of legal gay marriage may be making existing gay couples experience stress in their relationship. Now there is even greater need for good relationship skills for gay couples everywhere
Some gay couples are already feeling the stress of adding an additional and very visible layer of commitment to their relationship. Because of the gay pain of growing up, dating, and getting into a same sex relationship, gay men can struggle with the “C” word, commitment. Over the last 30 years the gay culture has been about freedom, and casual sex and not living like the repressive straight world that we grew up in.
Are you ready for the switch gay marriage will bring to a more mainstream relationship model? Is your partner? I can help. Good relationship skills, intimacy and meaningful connection are learned. We are not born with them. I can show you how:
They are one person, they are two alone, they are three together, they are for each other. .
Like the Crosby Stills and Nash song from the 1960s, good couples counseling helps:
LGBT couples create a union of two people that is greater then the sum of the parts. In this ideal relationship conflict is managed skillfully and teamwork is easier to accomplish. Combined with love and respect for one another 1 +1 does truly equal 3, me, you and us, all equal. Neither person needs to disappear in the relationship to make the relationship work. This is as true for gay, bisexual and transgendered men as it is for heterosexuals.
Sometimes I forget completely
what companionship is.
Unconscious and insane, I spill sad
What gets in the way of this more perfect union is that when two people fall in love, along with the genuine affection they feel for one another, there is often an unconscious perception that the person they are falling in love with possesses some quality that they believe they lack in themselves. As a result each partner tries to get the other to behave in certain ways that unconsciously soothes those unpleasant feelings. The problem with this is that the partner being asked to behave differently is being asked to not be themselves in the relationship but to pretend to be someone they are not. This can only lead to anger and resentment.
So to use fancy words, the first paragraph above describes two people who are “individuated” and have developed the capacity to “self-sooth.” They don’t need their partner to to behave in a specific way in order to feel good about themselves.
My approach to couples counseling helps you recognize these patterns, and how they create conflict in the relationship. Once recognized it is easy for the couple to support each other and help form that more perfect union.