Have you wondered if your relationship will be effected by the legalization of gay marriage? For the first time In history, LGBT people are able to legally marry, with all the federal benefits, recognition and visibility. The reality of legal gay marriage may add stress to existing gay relationships. Now there is even greater need for good relationship skills for gay couples everywhere.
Some gay couples are already feeling the stress of adding an additional and very visible layer of commitment to their relationship. Because of the gay pain of growing up, dating, and getting into a same sex relationship, gay men can struggle with the “C” word, commitment. Over the last 30 years the gay culture has been about freedom, and casual sex; not living like the repressive straight world that we grew up in.
Gay relationships like all healthy relationships, create a union of two people that is greater then the sum of the parts. In this ideal relationship conflict is managed skillfully and teamwork is easier to accomplish. Combined with love and respect for one another 1 +1 does truly equal 3, me, you and us, all equal. Neither person needs to disappear in the relationship to make the relationship work. This is as true for gay, bisexual and transgendered men as it is for heterosexuals.
Sometimes I forget completely
what companionship is.
Unconscious and insane, I spill sad
What gets in the way of this more perfect union is that when two people fall in love, along with the genuine affection they feel for one another, there is often an unconscious perception that the person they are falling in love with possesses some quality that they believe they lack in themselves. As a result each partner tries to get the other to behave in certain ways that unconsciously soothes those unpleasant feelings. The problem with this is that the partner being asked to behave differently is being asked to not be themselves in the relationship but to pretend to be someone they are not. This can only lead to anger and resentment.
So to use fancy words, the first paragraph above describes two people who are “individuated” and have developed the capacity to “self-sooth.” They don’t need their partner to to behave in a specific way in order to feel good about themselves.
My approach to couples counseling helps you recognize these patterns, and how they create conflict in the relationship. Once recognized it is easy for the couple to support each other and help form that more perfect union.
Are you ready to start making positive change today?
If so, here’s what to do next:
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- Email me, call me at 303-500-0926 for your FREE 10 minute phone consultation to find out how I can help you.
- If you’re ready to book an appointment, schedule an in person or virtual appointment now.